Sometimes we feel lonely. Family, friends and work everyone and everything is surrounding us. But something is missing. Something very important that we need that from the core of our heart. And most shockingly we can’t find that missing thing. We don’t know what is missing. What can fulfill our life? Once in an interview Satyajit Ray (famous Indian film director) told that, sometimes he felt lonely. Everything he needs is around him. Lots of friends are with him all the day. But something is missing. And without that “something” everything is meaningless. Once Kishore Kumar (famous Indian playback singer) also talked about loneliness. At the dusk of his life he felt so lonely. Sometimes he talked with a tree. It sounds weird when a grown up man is talking with a tree. But feel his inside emotion. How lonely he was feeling! This is not a random story of some random person. We all sometimes feel lonely. Don’t you ever feel alone?
This emotional loneliness can take a person to death-centered thinking. Sometimes I think about the Japanese. They have everything in life. They are the top scientific revolution country. They have a big economy and great culture. But why do they commit suicide? The answer is simple. They feel alone.
Now the burning question is, “What is Loneliness”? If you read the book “Norwegian Wood – by Haruki Murakami” you may relate this. When a person feel someone or something is missing from his life, he feels he is all alone. All the people are around him but nobody can understand him. Nobody can understand his emotion. He then isolate him from the world. He hides himself, his inner emotion. This is loneliness. At this stage he seek for a person who can understand his feelings. Who has the same mindset. Who can validate his emotions. By the time he finds that person, he try to hold that person for the rest of his life. If that specific person lost from his life he again started feeling alone. Then at a certain point this feeling turns into Emotional Black Hole.
Emotional Black Hole is state of human emotion where a person started losing his emotional energy. He not only lose it, but it don’t get back. At a certain point he stops feeling everything. Happiness, sadness or anger no feeling can reach to his heart. He get stuck in an emotional coma. Today we will talk about the reason behind Emotional black hole and how to get out of this.
There may so many reason behind
this emotional black hole but mainly two factor is responsible for this.
i)
External factor
ii)
Inner conflict
External factor
External factor is the toxic environment around us. It may be a toxic relation, toxic friendship or a toxic office environment. Where one person is only giving but not getting anything. At first it may be tolerable. But at a certain point the person who is only giving, get trouble of existential crisis. He cannot express himself properly. And a blank space created inside him.
Inner conflict
Inner conflict has three part. Inferiority complex, emotional trauma & negative thinking. At first let’s talk about inferiority complex.
- Inferiority complex: Some people are always suffer from low self-esteem. Self-doubt is always like a shadow to them. They always seek self-validation from other people. They seek attention from other people to fill the blank of their emotion. But their emotional blank space never fulfill. The result is Emotional Black Hole.
- Emotional trauma: So many people have a dark past in their life. He may lost his beloved one or got cheated from his relation or friendship. May be he lost the battle of life so many times. These causes a blank space in his emotion. That causes Emotional Black Hole.
- Negative thinking: Negative thinking is the last but not least cause of emotional black hole. Some people always think negative of everything. The dragon of fear bites them every step in their life. And they stuck in an infinite loop.
So far we have talked about what is emotional black hole and what is the root cause of it. Now we are going to talk about how we can fight with this.
How to fight with this Emotional Black Hole
Remember one thing, when you find the reason behind a problem, you’ve already solve the half of it. Some simple initiatives can fight with this giant. To fight with this emotional black hole, at first you have admit that you are stuck in it. Then you have to find out your surroundings. Your friends, family, relatives, office colleagues. Who is affecting your emotions positively or negatively? You have to find it. You have find how lonely you are? Then make a plan how you can get out of this loneliness. Prioritize yourself. You have a lot of work pressure, your boss’s expectations, and your family responsibilities. But how will you deal it? Are you willing to take the risk of losing you to maintain all these? This is completely your choice. Do whatever you should to improve your mental health. Create a boundary about your responsibility for your family, friends and office. Maintain a healthy relationship with everyone. Also avoid the toxic people at the same time. If you think your office environment is too much toxic, move forward from there as soon as possible. Never think that, “how I am going to survive if I lose this job”. There are thousands of other jobs out there. Go find one.
Remove all your negative thoughts with positive one. Spend times with your beloved one. Do your prayer. Sometimes give yourself rewards. It will help to improve your mental health. Some people practices “Cognitive Behavioral Therapy” to remove negative thoughts. This will not happen overnight. But this is a process and it takes time.
You must remember a line from Christopher Nolan’s Dunkirk cinema, “At the time of annihilation, survival is victory”. You have only one goal “survive”. You must not lose yourself in the emotional black hole. You have to survive in this large ocean. If you are fighting with this emotional black hole, my best wishes is for you!!!
